Death in the Family

Last Saturday on October the 15 at 6:40 am a woman named Tara Hammell got into a car accident on her way to work and died. Tara worked at the Kohls where I work, I found out about her death from Damien who told Josh to Facebook me and told me to call the store. I couldn't believe it, I had just seen her the previous afternoon, we were talking about jewelry and trying to stay in our budgets. Tara's death had a huge effect on the store, she was not only a hard worker, but she was truly a blessing to be around. She had a positive upbeat attitude and a strong love and faith for Jesus Christ. When I think back to the very short conversations we would have I remember her smile above everything else. She had a warm smile and a sincere way of speaking that made her feel like a family member. After hearing about her death I had a few feelings come over me, the first was disbelief, then pain, a physical pain that literally made me fall to my knees. Then understanding and calm, I had heard that she loved the Lord, and when God calls one of us we have to answer. I realized that it was her time to go, and that it was God's Will. I was immediately sad for her family, but I felt extremely happy for her, not just happy but elated that her suffering here on earth was finally over. She wasn't a sickly person, but the suffering I speak of is the daily influences of the Devil and the temptation that it stirs within all of us. Tara was free, but not just free of this life, she was free from sin, because she was alive in Christ. I made a few phone calls to my coworkers and went to the store to see about the arrangements (and to shop) for her funeral. Last week was eye opening, it showed that the supervisors and managers really cared for Tara and for all of us. I believe that Tara's death has opened the hearts of many ppl (not just associates) to God's will. Facing the fact that we all die, and we do not know the time or place of our death can lead people to ask questions, questions that only God can answer. I pray that her death has opened the door for even more people to let Christ in, and let the Holy Spirit fill them up and begin to repent of their sins before their time is up. Fast Forward:: The funeral was on Saturday Oct 22. A very good service, but not your ordinary funeral service, the pastor spoke on submitting your life to God (before its too late) and focused on our salvation while celebrating the life of Tara and the many people her life and death have touched. I pray that her family and friends will allow the Holy Spirit to heal them of their grief, especially her little girl and her son Charlie. "God works in mysterious ways" I've heard that all my life, now I believe I am really starting to understand at least one of them.

Festivals Of the Lord

The Day of atonement started my research and observance of the Feasts talked about in the Bible. I had always heard of the feasts but never thought it was something we had to observe, (in my mind i figured that since Jesus died for our sins that there were certain things we didn't have to do) My mom told me a few Fridays ago that she was planning on fasting for the Day of Atonement (which started at sundown and went on to sundown the following day) My first thought was "Great now I have to fast too" But after I got off the phone with her, I realized that no matter what the Lord asks of me, I must do it. Besides fasting wasn't something new to me (even though this fast including abstaining from water). I went home and read the study packet she had received from our new church The living church of God. After reading it and the bible and praying for understanding, I knew that the feasts are to be followed even after Jesus returns. The day of atonement is a day of celebration when the Devil is chained up and a seal is put on him so he may not deceive the nations of the world anymore. All of this is found in Revelations chapter 20. Last Wednesday started the Feast of tabernacles, which is a seven day feast to the Lord, the first and last days of which are considered Sabbath Holy days to the Lord. I've found that after reflection and observance of these days I have a better understanding of what it means to be a disciple of Christ and not just someone who merely believes.

Definition of Manhood

This week was good. I got through the first 4 chapters of "The resolution for men". After working 40 hours this week and taking care of things at home I'd say that is close to a miracle. The last chapter I read talked about not only stepping up to manhood but really getting into detail about what the bible says about being a man.
There are several attributes of God that He wants us to strive for to become men of God. Some are pretty self explanatory but I was surprised by others. Like the first one is the definition of manhood which is explained in Leviticus 27:3, God recognizes an adult male as any man 20 years of age or older. I never knew what made you a man, other than being able to financially take care of yourself and family. I assumed it was mostly dependant on that. I found out that men are held to a higher standard than what society tells us. We have to accept our masculinity, (a problem of mine for a LONG time) speak and act with maturity(something I still struggle with) By holding on to childish things, and fooling around when I need to "man up" and let go of silly behavior. A man should also embrace responsibility, God put Adam in the garden to "dress and keep it" keeping him responsible over what He saw was good. Gen 2:15. A man should of course function independently of his parents and have the courage and strength to lead a family faithfully. Another point I was surprised at, the bible does not say that every man should have a family, but that he should be ready to lead. 1 cor 7:7. Recognizing our accountability as an image bearer of God is important as well. It is supported in that God created man in his image (for a reason) and we need to uphold that image (inwardly and outwardly) always. We must always strive for righteousness, and even when we fall, (which I do) we will have the courage and wisdom to confess this to God and ask him for help. I'm really loving this book and everything I'm learning from it, it is a challenge to realize that you have fallen short, but it is a blessing knowing that God loves me and wants me to succeed and will forgive and help me through anything.

Men Of Courage

On Saturday some friends and I saw Courageous, its a great movie that talks about having Christian values at home and the need for men at home to step up and become men of God for their families sake. The movie is from the creators of Fireproof, another great movie (more focused on marriage specifically). After watching the movie I started thinking about my own childhood, the love and counsel I never received from my own father did scar me. I realized just how much I needed to have him in my life. There is a book that was released before the movie called the Resolution for Men. With an understanding that God is our father and instructs and instills in us, the Holy laws and shows us how to best live our life so we may come into his kingdom, the book shows that by God's design fathers here on earth were meant to do the same for their wives and children. I'm on the third chapter now and every time I read the book something new is opened for me, I truly feel that I am learning and growing in the knowledge of God and my person as a man of God. This is a POWERFUL eye opening book, I wish every man could read it, if you can't read it go see the movie, it may just change the way you see yourself and your own family. I thank God everyday for giving me the tools to become a better faithful servant. He is King and I will always Exalt His name!

Bible study

Everyday this week I've been reading my bible and following along with a telecast of tomorrows world with Roderick Meredith or the shepards chapel telecast that comes on tv all day. Just by reading the bike and following along in the study I'm learning so much about Gods word. He has advice on everything, from ministering to marriage and  the bible really does have the answers on life your looking for, you just have to be willing to read,accept and practice the thigs which God teaches. I feel so full after my sessions, and I know this is the right path for me to take. I thank Him everyday and ask for his guidance and for me to understand his word even better.

Statements of Faith

STATEMENTS OF FAITH

The Bible is the inspired, infallible Word of God. (Deut. 8:3, II Tim. 3:16, II Peter 1:20-21)
The King James Version remains the most accurate version of the Masoretic Text and the Textus Receptus.
One God is revealed in three persons - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. (Matt. 28:19, II Cor. 13:14)
Every person (except Jesus Christ) was or is born a sinner under the judgment of death. (Romans 3:10, Romans 3:23, Romans 5:12)
Salvation is only by grace through faith in Jesus Christ who died for sin. (John 3:16, Romans 6:23, Romans 8:33-34, Romans 5:8-9, I Tim. 2:5, Titus 3:5)
All those who have repented and have truly trusted Christ for salvation are eternally secure. (Romans 8:1)
Personal holiness is the fruits of salvation. (Galations 5:22-23)
The Holy Spirit is active in the world today, as well as in the life of the believer, gifting and equipping the saints for their ministries. (John 14:16, Acts 1:8)
There is a literal eternal heaven and a literal eternal hell. (John 14:2, Luke 16:19-31, II Cor. 5:1-10)
The Scriptures are to be dispensationally interpreted.
All Christians, living or dead, will be glorified and translated to heaven before the Great Tribulation begins. (I Cor. 15:51-53, Col. 3:4, I Thess. 4:13-18, I Thess. 5:1-5)
God's promises to Israel will be fulfilled in the Millennium (Kingdom Age). (Eze. 36, Isa. 2:1-4, Isa. 11, Isa. 55:12-13)
Jesus Christ will reign from Jerusalem for one thousand years. (Matt. 24:30, Rev. 20:1-6, Isa. 65:17-25)
The unsaved will be judged and receive eternal judgment for sins at the Great White Throne of Judgment. (Rev. 20:11-15)
God is still on the throne. . .and prayer changes things.

http://www.swrc.com/about/faith.html

Body image

I guess its time I talk about what's going on with me, besides work and hanging out. My newest obsession is working out, but not just working out gaining weight and getting bigger.

I started that blog about a month ago. Since then I've been not conscious of my calorie intake, I'm trying to shoot for at least 3000 calories a day, and only working out 3x a week. It's a stretch for me, normally I would work out like a maniac every day and get nowhere. I hope my new plan works out better. Getting bigger wasn't always an issue for me, but the more I see these corn fed jock around me in bama, the more I want to at least fill out my shirts. Call it a body image/peer pressure issue but I'm pretty set on this idea. At least until another idea cones into my head...

Forgiveness and Love

God is working in my life, I feel it now more than ever. This weekend my Aunt Beverly came to visit for the family reunion. I lived with Beverly for 8 months in Chicago, before I moved to Elgin. I treated her badly and stole from her on multiple occasions, I even lied about it. We haven't had any contact since I moved out last August. I got upset at her for discovering that I was stealing from her and calling me out on it. That was a year ago.  Since then I've began reading my bible and forming a relationship with God. I have been dreading seeing her ever since I found out she was coming to the reunion because I was still ashamed of the person I was, and I had never apologized to her. I saw her yesterday, before the reunion, and she greeted me with a hug and a smile. I thought to myself that holding a grudge or being scared to be around her was unnecessary because she had already forgiven me. Here I was worrying and trying to avoid her all weekend because I was afraid she would not want to see her thieving little nephew. I thank God for this chance to see. her and apologize to her finally, I bought a bottle of tequilla (what I stole from her a year ago) and gave it to her tonight and sincerely apologized for stealing from her and lying about it. We hugged, a real hug. I walked back upstairs  prayed and cried because I am so happy that God made it possible for her to forgive me, and that He has changed me so much that I feel his forgiveness as well. Tonight, this weekend was truly a blessing, seeing my aunts and praising God. Just what I needed. THANK YOU LORD!

Pride and Pain

I've been suffering from this rotten tooth for years, and everytime the pain flares up I promise myself I'm going to see a dentist and rake care of it. But when I actually start feeling better, I think well I don't have to spend money on it now, I'm alright now. Me and my friend Chairii were just talking about how sin can affect our body. It is because of my pride and greed that made my toothaches last for so long. If u had just spent the money and asked for help years ago, I'd be Scott free now. Thank you Lord for showing me that I need to humble myself more, and not to hold money so tightly. I PRAISE your name Lord, now and forever!

God will provide

After going to the basement i signed up for the Atlanta ministry trip. After a few weeks I realized that I didn't have enough money to keep saying my mom back and save up for the trip. I requested a few days off work, so I decided to pick up a few extra shifts. Emily calls me today an tells me that she has a few extra seats available for the trip. And now I can't go because I made plans to work this weekend. God will provide a way if you trust in him with all of your heart, he can make anything happen, it isn't luck, or wishing or thinking positive, it is through prayer and Gods will that we can truly be happy. Jesus lived his life, accomplished the work he was sent to do all without worrying about money, our mission on earth is to do Gods will so we can return to him, money is an imaginary obstacle, I say imaginary because it means nothing in Gods kingdom, so it should hold no weight in our hearts and minds.  It was because of my lack of faith in Gods power that I am not going on the ministry trip, and I feel ashamed, but I also feel as though this has taught me an invaluable lesson. Thank you God for everything you do.

The basement at the Boutwell

July 26 was wild, the basement was held for the first time ever at the boutwell auditorium. Praising and singing with 6k others was more than I could comprehend, it was so surreal being there and knowing that it was where I was supposed to be. The auditorium was getting hot, VERY hot, we moved the worship to the streets downtown, and had so many ppl walk up and join us. I used to think Christian music was lame or goofy, I couldn't have been more wrong, on top of original rap and hip hop songs (that sound great) the audio team remixed and changed the lyrics of modern hip hop songs. So much fun, and most importantly it was done in the name of God for him, praising him and loving each other.

Kohls keys to success

1.Walk around really fast so.it looks like you are always busy doing something really important.

2. Always "smile and say hi" to every customer, (when a manager is creeping in juniors pretending not to spy on you)

3. If a customer asks you to look in back stock for an item, make sure you spend enough time back there before coming out so it looks like you really tried to find it.

4. When recovering a department, only fold the top three items the right way to save time.

5. When you have a four hour shift, go ahead and take a twenty five minute break, noone times your breaks anyway...

You should choose your words as carefully as you choose your friends.

Rant

The older I get the more and more I realize that protecting someone doesn't mean keeping them in the dark. I wish I had discovered that earlier then maybe my relationships wouldn't be so scattered. 

More car trouble

I drove to work yesterday noticed my engine light was on, (actually its been on for a week now..)
When I stopped at a red light a mike away from kohls I saw a cloud of white smoke coming from my hood, I panic and attempt to pull over and I almost hit a white suv coming up on my right. I slow down and feel my car trying to shut off, so I hit the gas and continued on to work. At work
Alot of people said it was probably just overheated and needed coolant/water. Well I tried that... On my ride home the needle went back to chitty within ten minutes of going just above 40. I pulled over and realized how bad I had to pee, so as I'm waiting fire my car to cool off I find a water bottle and attempt to pee into it sitting down... Fail.. I got pee on my pants on my seat and on my hands, I managed to get most of it on the bottle but it was too funny not to mention. I prayed for God to help me get my clunker home without it shutting off on me. Thank God above, I'm home and I just called AAA to have it towed to my shop in hoover. Lol my mom told me I'm really fortunate that all the repairs mt car had needed were minor ones, I don't call spending over $1800 on a car minor... But she is helping me pay for alot of the repairs thank God

Thanking God for my family today. They are nosey and irratating, but they love me past all of my faults.

Shelby crossings

The sermon last week was concerning pride, pride being the sin that leads to all others. He took a piece from the book of daniel to show us how prideful king nebecanezzar was, and how God took away his power and sanity, it took neb seven years in the wilderness to realize that God is sovereign deserves our worship. The story reminded me of the times when I think I know best, or that I'm special and deserve praise. Preacher ken gave the analogy. "a dog gets patted, rubbed and shown affection and thinks 'wow, he must be a God' and loves his owner. A cat gets that same treatment and thinks 'wow, I must be a God'." His point was clear to me, we need to be grateful for the things we receive snd give thanks, not get full of pride and begin to think we deserve good things to happen to us.

Making friends

When I first came to alabama, I didn't know anyone but family andb that was okay since my uncle was here and we stayed busy all the time with the house. Then I started working and mostly stayed to myself, I wanted to make friends that were involved in their churches and had a strong relationship with God. While my feelings about the kinds of friends I want in my life has changed drastically its for the better. I've never worked with so many openly christian people in my life. When o started at kohls there were many people young and old who were interested in what church I belonged to and wanted to help me find one.from meredith who introduced me to christian music that doesn't put me to sleep, to emily who took me to my first christian night club. I used to think following God meant that I had to give up everything I loved, partying, dancing drinking. And now I know that it just isn't true, drinking in excess is the sin, not drinking itself. Ive learned about alot of events and concerts that are 100% dedicated to worship, I'm having more and more fun but most importantly putting God first in everything I do.

Crap poetry

I see you shining like a star, only you don't see it. You see scars and baggage and not good enough.
I see fire and passion and beauty, you see loneliness and heartbreak.
If you could see what I see for just a minute, you wouldn't falter in your path. Every step would be paved with your confidence and desire.
More than lust, you are flesh, not a fantasy but a dream.
My dream,
The heart leads and confusion follows, my heart follows you like a moth to a flame.
You are a flame, and you have sparked in me more than happy memories, more than innocent flirting,
An alcoholic is always an alcoholic, and a fool will die a fool... for you.
You are more than a definition, more than a noun, you are everything he, I, think about. Courting is sporting, but it is just a game,
A game a boy plays with himself, but I'm a man.
I'm the man
I'm your man
You can depend on.
I suck at poetry, but I'm great with words,
When I think about you.

Wednesday fast

Fasting is definitely getting easier, every time I feel tempted to eat or smoke I pay and read the bible I'm halfway finishef with mark now. Its also nice to have christian friends who are serious about their relation ship with God. Work is better, not easier but better :) talked to steven last night, I really want to be there to help him find the truth in God's word, not just the parts he likes to skip over. I love my friends and want them to try and live by God's law, not just some of them.

Skin Journal

I am thinking of starting a skin Journal so that I can record all of my cleansing habits for my face.I want to make sure I am following correct procedures for effectively treating my acne and scars. in my journal I will record when I wash my face, what i use to wash my face and how vigorously I rub my skin. i will also record if and when i use skin toners, and special medicated lotions. I will make sure that before and after each washing I record how my skin looks and feels. I recently bought a clean and clear kit from Walgreens, the kit is good for 30 days. After 30 days of successfully using the kit and journal  I should be able to tell if my skin has improved or not. I will also make sure to devote a certain hour every day to learn more about my acne and skin conditions.

honesty and such

Today was a good day, I worked all night at kohl, got a lot done and received some personal advice from my managers. This morning I came home and slept for about six hours.
After I woke up I went downstairs and have breakfast then I went outside to see if my mom needed help in the garden. She asked me to help her cut down a few roots in the front yard, and after that
she wanted me to move the stones around the flower bed. I forgot the last party of her instruction and went back inside to have a glass of wine and finish watching some show on animal planet...what was the name of it.... River monsters, yeah of think that's it. Anyway my mom walks in and starts cussing and saying I need to get up and help her outside. I honestly did forgeth the second thing she said about the stones, but the way she came at me was completely rude. I decided to write her a note letting her know how I felt and that I didn't allow anyone to curse at me anymore. After I gave her the note we had a very honest conversation about expectations for the both ofus. It was a very good thing and up really feel that by telling honestly how I felt without attacking or accusing it really turned out to be a good thing for our relationship.

my first fast

Today started a new routine, a weekly routine of fasting on every Wednesday, I won't eat any solid food or drink anything besides water. Also iwont have gum, candy or tobacco. The first few hours of my fast were spent morning coming home from work, I didn't eat and didn't feel an urge to eat, I however pray for the strength and fortitude to start and complete my fast. Waking up aroundeleven this morning after a few frantic calls from may mom. ( there were thunder storms and tornado warnings in our part of Alabama all dat, and a total of seven tornadoes struck neighboring counties) I soon felt my first hunger pain after sitting with grandma for a bit nd watching her eat her lunch. I decided to increase my water intake and to take my mind off my stomach and to remind myself why I was going thrift such an endeavor I read a few chapters of Matthew. After reading and praying I let myself have an your justamente an Jou pd Internet time (hule time) i watched most of the latest episode of glee and cut it short before my hour was up. After that I went upstairs and read from the bible some more and took a cat nap in the chapel room. I woke up and started reading again, all the while thanking God for staying with me and giving me through my fast. I've got a few more minutes to go before it is officially Thursday and my fast ends in a few minutes and I'm still jot sure why ill eat, but whatever it is it is going to be good!

staying focused

It hasn't been easy staying on task with l the new distractions in my life, the new phone included. Work is work but with the prospect of school starting in less than a month I know that I will need more money from scholarships and grants. I've been letting time go by without serious looking at all my financial options... I need to do a few things around the house this week, laundry, finishing the ditch for the pipe and writing the letter to the lady at Lawson about filing me as independent. I also signed up for this a team event at work, we are going to an elementary school on Thursday to teach kids how to plant flowers. It should be fun, and I need a little fun right now. I'm reading the bible more now that I have the app on my phone. Long day today, I worked this morning for five hours fame home, had the best steam bath and then took a nap, I didn't do much but it seemed like a long day. Tomorrow will be more productive. :)

A new home

Living in Alabama is going well. I've got my job my family and classes start next month. A lot has happened, I've gotten my car fixed, though I'm sure that it still needs some primarily my brakes. I got into my first accident last month that was fun. And of course my mother was in the car just making matters worse. I managed to score a promotion at work, I'm the. Ad set supervisor at kohls now. Even though I'm planning on becoming a regular associate again, I'm still having fun as a sup and like the pay very much. I also found another church home, three name of the church escapes me, oh thats right its seventh day adventist church of God.

I'm praying everyday now. I'm not perfect far from it, but i know my relationship with the lord is stronger now. Work is going well, there is an open position for mens supervisor, i applied for it yesterday and think i have a good shot at getting it. The car is ready to get the plates, and all the major problems are taken care of. I started listening to dave ramsay and am implementing my own budget. Since i'm not paying for anything down here except paying my insurance and school stuff i will be able to save alot of money. Saving was always hard for me, but now i know the importance of budgets and telling my money what to.

Of late my prayers have consisted of confessing my sins, praying for the health of my friends and family going through surgery, and of course thanking God for everything he gives me, and shows me everyday

I've had a good week. I've gotten a lot of the things done that i needed too, my bank info came, i applied for school, i even looked at a few scholarships(though i didn't apply). I also started praying every night before i go to bed, that is really helping to clear my mind and just give me time to open my ears again. I watch tv in the day, a lot more than i used to, i know that the there are things influencing me on telly all the time. So i'm going to pray for God to help me discern what is the truth scripturally and what is not

I had a great day! I started working on my car to remove the alternator at nine thirty, i didn't finish till four! I pretty much did all the work myself, with a few helpful hints and tips from uncle doug and my mom. That was my day under and over an engine, i'm chillin now with my mom and cousin geana having a few brews and watching salt

First day driving was a success, i drove from the library home, and i drove from the house all the way to the dollar tree where annette works. Having my permit is super cool! Tomorrow my mom is talking about having me drive all day... It sounds exhausting, but i know i can do it. I've got my confidence up and i know i can handle that car better than i could. I'm really getting better with each lesson from my mom.

I had a pretty good day. It started off okay. I went down to the dmv in bessemer, i had to deal with a really negative older lady at the office, but once i got my stuff straight we didn't have any problems. I got my drivers permit and my library card today, i'm glad i didn't go to regions bank. I don't feel like getting a new bank account, i like my bank, but as usual my mom thinks she knows whats best for me:) i know she wants to help, but she is always trying to dictate what i do.

Seeing 2011 really freaks me out. I'm still out used to it yet. The gps says that we are exactly an hour and sixteen minutes away from the big house. Thats what my mom calls the house. It is big, there are twenty six rooms or something crazy like that. Like seven or eight bedrooms. And a steamer/sauna in the basement. I'm still excited about getting there. I know by the time we get there grandma will be asleep. Lol she normally has a pretty early bedtime. I think lana and doug will be awake probably watching a movie or something. I know i may have to find a good wine store in my trips around bessemer.

Honestly this road trip has been pretty fun. The only past that wasn't fun was the past in ohio where we kept running into problems with the dolly then the car, then the dolly again. Its too complicated to talk about from my phone so i won't try. Its sunday night and i'm pretty damn tired. I'm just glad that i don't have to drive. Lol that'll be an experience, learning how to drive. I know that once i learn how i'll be the one to go out and fetch things all the time. But i don't plan on being home that much. Kohls has already accepted my transfer down here in hoover, and i may have a second job at target. Though it all depends on my schedule and how many hours i'll have each week.

We are in alabama by the space ship thing, i think we are in huntsville. We have been listening to maya angelou for the past three hours. So we've been having a good time laughing and talking about food and family, our own family is at home making lupia, my aunt and uncle live in hawaii and they are here visiting so for my return to the south they are making a traditional hawaiian meal. I'm excited, you know me and free food always get along. I'm gonna need some sleep afterwards though. But i doubt i'll get too much sleep once i see everyone, my family likes to talk. Lol

Its a good feeling being back in alabama, so close to my real family and so far from people that didn't really have my best interests at heart. I wonder if i should record a new version of my self help for stuttering. The last audio version seemed to help really well. That with prayer, well truly prayer by itself is all i need to be more confident in my speech

We are spending the night in ohio, its been all day trying to get the battery, pull the dolly into the yard. I'm so darn tired of messin with that car, i just wanna eat, have a beer and go to sleep. Well i wouldn't mind having my sleeping bag in the house. What is really cool is that uncle frankie has a pool table in the living room. Its like the ultimate bachelor pad over here. I'm tired and if the chinese food doesn't come in the next hour i'm going to sleep.

Yesterday my mom picked me up from elgin. It still feels surreal, i'm noticing its easier being myself around her, probably because my entire sense of self has been uplifted. Thank you God.

Birthday Sex... no thank you

Amanda from work wants to come over tonight, I know what she is on.. and even though me and mayra are on a hiatus doesn't mean i want to go hooking up with her.